Firstly we attended an inheritance chat. I had read a book "The Science of Inheritance" and the author presents workshops. Having a truly shariah will is probably the most important last thing we could do - especially since ... well, if you died, you can't change it afterwards. So generally the issues that arose were civil marriages, which in South African law actually takes away your rights by Shariah law ! (And most Westerners think Islam deprives women!! ) The author also strongly emphasises that women grow up and not be so "verlee" (my word not his) and naive with regards to property and the role they play in the household. So what did this mean for me ? Nothing really - seems I knew what I was doing when I didn't do a civil marriage (unlike my friends who now plan to get divorced!) and the house is on both our names. But it did raise concern for my "future". Yes, Algamdulillah we rely on ALLAH to provide, but having no brother as a potential support, I have to account for the fact that I don't smaak going back to work !! (I can only say that cos I know DH doesn't read this !!)
So do yourself a favour - do a proper investigation into inheritance and if there are any clauses to a will you may have (esp. a certain Islamic back in SA) - get a 3rd party to explain it - as it could leave you with less than what you deserve !
For those in Cape Town, this uncle has a 3 month course on this VERY important subject.
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I get asked ALL the time about Adoption Algamdulillah. And do you know how many people have fertility issues ?! It must be in the water, I tell you !! Anyway - towards the end of last year there were numerous requests from people to chat about the process and to
see my kids (as if that is the blueprint of adopted kids!! ) So I decided to get a few friends who HAD adopted together with those in the process or considering it - just to chat about their experiences etc. And since males are somewhat detached from the emotional side - it would be a good forum for them to hear other concerns people may have. Algamdulillah we also invited a Moulana to answer questions and give us a proper understanding in terms of Shariah.
For those who haven't read up on the subject - at most you'll find a page worth of information saying : " Adoption is not allowed in Islam".
It's confusing as there are numerous hadith that encourages looking after orphans. And there are no books on the subject. (Dh says I should write one ! Like I am not busy enough ? )
Anyway - I can't speak for the other couples but Moulana explained ALL my issues.
For those interested I will try to recall what he said :
Adoption: many hadith encourages looking after a child and providing things for
the child - like clothing, food, education, love. However, never must one take the child as one's own. Now it doesn't mean I can't be Umm Aasiyah or they can't call me mummy, like he says we call our inlaws mummy and daddy too. But in our hearts we should not be trying to claim something that isn't ours. The main thing that comes up is lineage and often the issue of the child keeping their name. Now I am not going to get into the SA legal part of that. But basically, once again if you changed the name to hide that the child belongs to someone else then that is incorrect. However, if the child has your name, that child has to know that he is adopted and has to know who his family is.
Breastfeeding : The relationship is only in terms of the child being taken as a son/daughter and cannot be married by any parent or grandparent or uncle or aunt. However, legally they are still not yours and cannot inherit.
The future: Social workers encourage you to tell the child from young that they are adopted and having done that, it makes it easy for you to talk about as well as makes it a non-issue with the child. However, when it comes to them wanting to meet their family - base it on
the maturity of the child - if they could handle it and you know when that would be. But do not delay out of your own feelings of insecurities.
As adopter (?) parents we are often reminded that the child is on "loan" from Allah - but ALL children are. We are but granted custodianship of these little beings and our duty besides the list above is to raise them to worship Allah.... and then let them live their lives.
One of the questions asked was whether that child had an obligation towards these parents - to look after them etc. And no, legally they don't and if they did it would be out of compassion. But lets be honest even people with biological children have issues of not being cared for in their old age!
I think I covered all the issues that were raised.
Like I said earlier, it's not a big deal in our household. My kids are not "special" because they are adopted - well yes they are to me, but like when they are with their cousins - it
doesn't define them. But yesterday there was a room full of kids and only one bio-child, it was good to know they had friends who were also adopted, which just adds to the "no big" of it.
Lastly I just had to share this with you: I made this cake - Red Velvet Cake. There isn't a pic mainly because we eat things up and don't have time to photograph it !
But I will post the recipe as well as take a pic off the Internet. It was a HIT !! Perhaps because it is bright red !!
Mine was only 2 layers unlike this 3 layer one in the picture.
Ingredients
- 2 1/2 cups sifted cake flour
- 2 teaspoons cocoa powder
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 1/2 cups sugar
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
- 2 large eggs
- 1 cup buttermilk
2 ounces red food coloring
- 1 teaspoon distilled white vinegar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
For the frosting:
- 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter or margarine, softened
- 1 pound box confectioners' sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 cup chopped pecans
For the Cake:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Grease and flour 2 (9-inch) cake pans. In a medium bowl or on a piece of waxed paper, sift together flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, and salt; set aside. In a large bowl, cream together sugar and butter. Beat in eggs, 1 at a time. Alternately add flour mixture and buttermilk. Beat in food coloring and vinegar, then add vanilla. Spread the batter evenly in the pans.
Bake for 20 to 30 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Turn out onto a rack to cool.
For the Frosting:
In a large bowl, combine the cream cheese and butter. Beat in confectioners' sugar until fluffy. Beat in vanilla. Stir in pecans. Use frosting to fill and ice cake.
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