The problem with knowing who you are is that when you "lose yourself" you know who you are missing ...... you know WHAT you are missing and it makes the battle even harder.
I'm constantly caught between the battle of "real" job and SAHM. I know it is a real job being at home, but the lack of response in the position, makes me feel unappreciated. As if earning a living would make me more worthy.
So once again I embarked on trying to find "a job". Reading extracts from I am Sheba gave me the boost I needed to set a goal and try to achieve it. This one was different to the others, it required me to do a personality test, which I had to pay for. I was reluctant, but curious. Curiosity got the better of me when I was presented with a discounted price for the report.
I didn't really find out anything new about me - like I said, I already knew me. But a few things were made clearer and the big smack on my head came at just the right moment.
Mostly, it opened up dialogue between me and DH, perhaps HE needed to understand me more than I did.
Ironically, I am currently in the worst working environment for my personality type! I thrive on order, logic, structure - and DS is all chaos and confusion for me ! (If he chokes once more I might have an anxiety attack!) Somehow it helps knowing that. Knowing that when I freak out at things, it is because it is against what I am programmed to control.
Perhaps these moments which seem the darkest, are the ones which determine a significant path. And time spent in reflection makes light at the end of the tunnel ......
Or it's just my personality type to over analyse everystep before taking it !
Either way, it's my journey and I have the best first mate for the trip. One who thrives in chaos ..... DH !
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