9 years

9 years ago my mommy died (May Allah have mercy on her soul and grant her Jannah Insha'Allah). In these 9 years, I have never earmarked the day. Honestly, I have to check the exact date as I do not have it memorised. Some find that odd, maybe even cold, but for me, that day does not define her.

Being the youngest of 3, and hence the last to attend school, I think I spent the most "alone" time with mommy. I loved our tea-times and lunch times. It was nothing special - not a party or anything, just a fond memory. As was walking in the city, holding her hand. She had the softest touch and the loveliest fingers. I can feel her touch over my head when I am ill, I can feel the rare slap when I was disrespectful. My days are filled with reminders of her as I spend time with my kids. But with each year, the memories reduce, or I think about her less. I pray that whatever good I do or am rewarded for doing in this life, she, as my mother gets part of as well Insha'Allah.

9 years ago ........ It's a bitter sweet memory. I lost the most important person in my life without knowing it until she was gone. But I found the most important One, my Creator, Allah. It's been 9 years since I whole-hearted submitted, covering up and striving to be the best servant and aiming on the promised rewards. For those who haven't embarked on the journey yet - it's not just about wearing a scarf or dressing modestly, it is so much more. The journey of knowledge is endless. But even with all the outward changes and appropriate sayings and actions, the growth gets deeper.
DH had always had a shadow of wisdom I couldn't quite place. It was rare and happened only at the most opportune times. It seems so out of character for him that sometimes he seems surprised himself with what he says. Tonite I realised the wisdom in his words: Islam is not just about the outside, but as much (if not more) about the inside (character).
Perhaps, this night, 9 years later, marks my graduation to a newer, deeper understanding ......
Insha'Allah