Click to read

Birthdays

It's been just over a year since we stopped celebrating birthdays.

Now, to put you in the picture - I was raised with birthdays - big family parties with all the cousins etc. Parties with school friends, uni friends etc. They were great! That's how I met DH !

When DD was 1 I was thrilled at having a party and each year I went all out for her : the big family butterfly party, the intimate strawberry shortcake party, the messy party (my favourite), the heart princess party with jumping castle! I loved the theme and going with it from invitation to decor, to eats to party packs.

Since my mum died, I stopped celebrating my birthday. Family supper was the main thing - but mainly my family coming for supper and me being exhausted ! I don't get it ! So I tried to plan weekends away close to that time so that I didn't have to work on my "special day". At job #3, we'd get our bday off - now THAT's cool ! Other bdays also felt very .... obligatory - you are obliged to go cos it's family and obliged to give a gift. So my mindset was already leaning in a certain direction.

I know a few people (virtually) who don't celebrate and it seems mostly because it wasn't a sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) and it had it's roots in pagan understanding. Those of us who still celebrated would argue that we don't do the candle blowing or wishing, and it was just a celebration/appreciation of life.

Then one day I heard a talk on a podcast I downloaded and it hit me ! The talk was about birthdays and everything they spoke about made sense! Obviously the defiant side of me wasn't ready to give it up, but then soon after I heard another talk on tv !! Same topic, same argument ! DH and I chatted and felt we agreed, but didn't make any rules about it until I received an invitation to a party for DD ......

It was VERY difficult year for us. Our family didn't really understand and I, personally, felt that my reason, though based on Islamic principles, was not a fatwa for others and they needed to have their own idea about it, so didn't give much explanations. The year passed, some people ignored what we had said and still called or invited us, others didn't know what they had to do.

Like a friend said to me the other day - everything has to come with it's tests and this has taken a new dimension ! DD, being at school, now has new friends and has to understand that we do not celebrate and do not attend.

The attending of a party is a completely different argument :

Generally there is the obligation of attendance and gift. We've been to parties where we were asked where the gift was ! Gifts get opened publicly and judged - where are the positive values in THAT ?! Every one is competing for a better party pack ! At one party, DD received a party pack valued more than the gift we had brought !! And there is the expectancy of the guest to get a party pack! Not just a bag of the left over goodies - but a selection of luxuries that was not included at the party !!

So finally, for posterity, and hope that one day if I can't recall why - DD and DS can log on and find this, here is my reason:

Our ultimate goal in life is to attain Jannah. We know that everyday brings us closer to death and our gratitude for "Surviving" the day/week/month/year is not a celebration of cheating death, but rather a chance of working harder at getting more points to gain entry to Jannah.

Celebrating the number of years we have spent here, changes the focus of the goal, we try to aim for certain milestones : 16, 18, 21, 30, 40, 45, 50, 60, etc.

I wasted 25 of my years, having no focus of the goal - I don't get a do-over, all I can do it try to squeeze in extra in the days/weeks/months/years (Insha'Allah) I have left so that I have enough points to get at least to the first level........

School blues

I wasn't a fan of school .... I enjoyed the friends and assignments, but generally I'd rather be at home ..... mmmmm ..... kinda like I am now ;-) LOL (oops)

Last night DD wasn't well and DH suggested she stay home. DD looked very confused like "WHAT ? That is an option ?!" In all honesty between the 2 of us, I am not sure who was more excited to have DD stay at home. This first term of trekking to take her to school has been very tiring and we have many more trips to make in the future !

So this morning, DH wanted to lie in but I wanted to first see how DD was doing. She woke up tired and said she still felt ill (REJOICE !!!!) It didn't affect me much as I still had my morning chores, but at least it was a new pace, a slower pace, one that need not be done by 12pm! Just before 8am DD was running around playing - not looking ill at all. She claims the panado made her better (Grandpa's child !) and she was all ready to get dressed and go to school. You had to see the horror in our faces ! NO !!! School started already - you CANNOT go now ! She was very disappointed but learnt a valuable lesson : If you are tired, do not lie and say you are ill, cos then we'll keep you home. DD loves school you see, so we have leverage !

Competition

Is competing a good or bad thing ?
I suppose sometimes it could bring out the best in people - to attain more. But generally i have no reason to compete.
Growing up, my eldest sister was the brainy one, good for her. We felt it took the pressure off us as she satisfied the A grades in the family. I still worked and achieved good grades, but didn't feel I HAD to.
But since having kids, life is very competitive. People.. no sorry , other mums compare every thing! Sleep patterns, development, speech, schools, extra-murals etc. Does it matter ? Here I am 33 years old and none of those things affect who I am today ..... well maybe the extra-murals - which I NEVER did and showed when I played netball on the beach the weekend and nearly DIED !!

So it's 30-hot degrees and I can't sleep and thinking about this incident with this competitive mum - I think she is insecure and does it to feel better about herself. And mulling over a seed which has now rooted in my mind and I can't shake. I am almost too scared to share it openly as it is one of those topics which other mums take VERY seriously on the competition circuit.

Where was I going with this again ...... oh yes, so I am thinking about competition and realise the only real competition we should have with each other is competing to obtain jannah and the best apart of THAT competition is assisting/helping others gets you closer to the goal. And THAT is a lesson I want to teach my kids.

Beauty of a Woman

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman
With time, only grows..

Once upon a time, long, long ago ......

When I worked as a programmer (IT) I never considered myself great. There was always people WAY better that I worked with. Yet somehow, in my short years of working I developed a reputation amongst my colleagues. I'd work with a new team and there would be this awe of "we work with HER!" Towards the end of my career I felt intimidated by the reputation - since I didn't see the greatness I didn't know if I was still achieving it !

A few years later I realised that the awe was not so much in my skill at programming code, but more my work ethic of getting the job done, being a perfectionist and being organized.

These skills have all been tarnished since taking on the task of SAHM. The variables are too unstable to achieve perfection, order or ever calling a job complete. However, I have never felt more suited at a job! If ever I wondered what am I good at -NO, GREAT at - it's being a mom! Algamdulillah. Now, don't get me wrong I don't have the best kids - they're not perfect little angels and I do yell.

Today I got a call from my sister.... she's my eldest sister -also in IT ... she followed the ranks from programmer to team leader to project manager/ architect etc. and now is a top manager Masha'Allah. We never worked together or worked with the same people ... until now. She presented something at work and one of the guys worked with me at my last job. (I changed almost yearly!) He asked if she knew me (having the same surname) and when she said she was my sister - he flipped his lid ! He gushed about how great I was and called his pals to tell them this was my sister ! (Major shocker for my sister as I'm usually her sister!) So even though my sister was totally thrown by this news, it was a nice ego boost for my day. And for the first time in 6 years ... I missed work.

Some funnies for fellow IT nerds.

Random questions

Where is your cell phone? - on the kitchen table
Your hair? - short
Your mother? - gone :-(
Your father? - happy
Your favorite thing? - playing with my kids
Your dream last night? - odd about ppl I hardly see
Your favorite drink? - a lekker cup of tea
What room are you in? - tv room
Your fear? - something happening to my kids
Where do you want to be in 6 years? - still at home with the kids ;-)
Where were you last night? - at home playing scrabble
Something that you aren't? - late (just realised the irony !!! LOL!! )
Wish list item? - bookshelves
Last thing you did? - hung the washing
TV? - Barney (what else?)
Your pets? - died :-(
Friends? - the best
Your life? - stressful right now
Your mood? - optimistic
Missing someone? - Priscilla (LOL!!)
Your car? - Prado !!
Your favorite store? - Fabric world
Your favorite colour? - orange (this week)
When was the last time you cried? - too long ago
Where do you go to over and over? - Pick 'n pay !
My favorite place to eat? - at Zanab's !
Favorite place I'd like to be at right now? - on camp with family and cuzzins !