Birthdays

It's been just over a year since we stopped celebrating birthdays.

Now, to put you in the picture - I was raised with birthdays - big family parties with all the cousins etc. Parties with school friends, uni friends etc. They were great! That's how I met DH !

When DD was 1 I was thrilled at having a party and each year I went all out for her : the big family butterfly party, the intimate strawberry shortcake party, the messy party (my favourite), the heart princess party with jumping castle! I loved the theme and going with it from invitation to decor, to eats to party packs.

Since my mum died, I stopped celebrating my birthday. Family supper was the main thing - but mainly my family coming for supper and me being exhausted ! I don't get it ! So I tried to plan weekends away close to that time so that I didn't have to work on my "special day". At job #3, we'd get our bday off - now THAT's cool ! Other bdays also felt very .... obligatory - you are obliged to go cos it's family and obliged to give a gift. So my mindset was already leaning in a certain direction.

I know a few people (virtually) who don't celebrate and it seems mostly because it wasn't a sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) and it had it's roots in pagan understanding. Those of us who still celebrated would argue that we don't do the candle blowing or wishing, and it was just a celebration/appreciation of life.

Then one day I heard a talk on a podcast I downloaded and it hit me ! The talk was about birthdays and everything they spoke about made sense! Obviously the defiant side of me wasn't ready to give it up, but then soon after I heard another talk on tv !! Same topic, same argument ! DH and I chatted and felt we agreed, but didn't make any rules about it until I received an invitation to a party for DD ......

It was VERY difficult year for us. Our family didn't really understand and I, personally, felt that my reason, though based on Islamic principles, was not a fatwa for others and they needed to have their own idea about it, so didn't give much explanations. The year passed, some people ignored what we had said and still called or invited us, others didn't know what they had to do.

Like a friend said to me the other day - everything has to come with it's tests and this has taken a new dimension ! DD, being at school, now has new friends and has to understand that we do not celebrate and do not attend.

The attending of a party is a completely different argument :

Generally there is the obligation of attendance and gift. We've been to parties where we were asked where the gift was ! Gifts get opened publicly and judged - where are the positive values in THAT ?! Every one is competing for a better party pack ! At one party, DD received a party pack valued more than the gift we had brought !! And there is the expectancy of the guest to get a party pack! Not just a bag of the left over goodies - but a selection of luxuries that was not included at the party !!

So finally, for posterity, and hope that one day if I can't recall why - DD and DS can log on and find this, here is my reason:

Our ultimate goal in life is to attain Jannah. We know that everyday brings us closer to death and our gratitude for "Surviving" the day/week/month/year is not a celebration of cheating death, but rather a chance of working harder at getting more points to gain entry to Jannah.

Celebrating the number of years we have spent here, changes the focus of the goal, we try to aim for certain milestones : 16, 18, 21, 30, 40, 45, 50, 60, etc.

I wasted 25 of my years, having no focus of the goal - I don't get a do-over, all I can do it try to squeeze in extra in the days/weeks/months/years (Insha'Allah) I have left so that I have enough points to get at least to the first level........